Hey everyone! Long time no post. I moved down to Heqing four days ago and haven’t had internet access until now. A lot’s been happening, and I really want to share it with everyone, but I also don’t want to overwhelm people with the posts that have been building up in word. So I think what I’m gonna do is post one of the three or so posts I’ve written every day or two. We’ll begin with this one. Also, in case I hadn’t been clear enough about this, I’d love to hear what any and all of you think about what I’m writing. I know a lot of it is pretty opinion-based, so if your opinions differ or whatever…yeah. Anyway, here’s my first backlogged post:
For all of the Summer Training Program, CEI billed itself as a bilingual organization, and there are many ways in which this is true. Announcements and emails were almost always given in both Chinese and English, many of the staff (although certainly not all) speak some Chinese, and the fellows communicated, during the STP, in a pidgin Chinglish. Generally speaking, the Chinese fellows speak much better English than the American fellows do Chinese, and thus many of our training sessions in the later part of the summer were not translated into Mandarin as thoroughly as they ought to have been. During Principals’ Week, however, we experienced the opposite phenomenon.
Suddenly, everything—every meeting, every announcement, every speech—was in Mandarin. For me, this was a ridiculously challenging situation. As I said above, in general the fellows, both American and Chinese, communicated in Chinglish—which meant that I could say things like “在我看来，STP 跟大学的orientation 有一点儿象 and probably be understood. With the principals and other school staff, no such luck—especially considering that when speaking Chinglish I tend to put the most complicated words in English.
Needless to say, many of the awkward moments during Principals’ Week were a direct result of this sudden crash course in all-day-Chinese. Even during my time in Beijing, we didn’t often have situations like this, because we only had class for 4-5 hours a day, and during the off time I hung out with Americans a lot (probably more than I should have). We spoke Chinese to each other a lot because of the language pledge, but we also spoke English when we needed to. Besides, it’s way easier to speak a language with other learners of that language than it is to speak with native speakers. I spoke Chinese with my roommate too, obviously, but if there was a word I didn’t know how to say and I said it in English, there was a good chance she’d either know it or be patient enough to wait while I looked it up. Usually, whenever I was in a situation where I had to speak only Chinese, I had more than one other non-native speaker with me, and we could help each other out more than Mark and I have been able to with just the two of us.
The first morning of principals’ week was so intense, and so frustrating, that I ended up getting back to my room and (unintentionally) bawling my eyes out to YanMei. It was the first time I’d cried in front of anyone since getting to China, and, even though I wasn’t happy about it, in some ways it felt good. The entire morning I’d felt trapped and stupid for not understanding, and I felt like I had to make a really good first impression, which was really hard to do when I couldn’t talk or understand what was being said. I did get the gist of a lot of it, but missing the nuance made complete comprehension a rare commodity. Talking to YanMei, who’s seen my progress from the first week through the STP, reminded me of where I’d started and gave me some hope for the future. That being said, I’m still super frustrated with my language ability, and I’m scared about how quickly I’ll be able to improve without proper, formal classes. I like to talk way too much to not be able to communicate fluently with anyone around me except Mark (who, although an awesome guy and great teacher, is not a chatterbox). I’m pretty sure the lack of English speaking companions is one of the reasons I’ve been writing so, so much. I actually finished my old journal last week (which had about 75 pages in it when I got to China) and had to start my new one.
It’s interesting, because when I was studying abroad I was pretty convinced that, with the exception of western toilets and washing machines/dryers, I was really living a Chinese life. Sure, I knew I had American friends and probably watched more American TV and stuff than I should have, but I also had a truly inflated notion of how much I was “roughing” it. The fact is, despite being very Chinese, Beijing maintains a certain aroma of western existence that isn’t echoed throughout the rest of the country (with the obvious exceptions of Shanghai and Hong Kong, if that counts). There are 10,000 expats in Beijing—most clustered in the Chaoyang district—and hence there’s a wide variety of food/retail offerings.
Most of the people here in Heqing have probably never been to Beijing or anywhere beyond Yunnan. Many might never have met a foreigner outside of last year’s CEI fellows (although they’ve probably seen some traveling between Dali and Lijiang, two big tourist destinations). Here, instead of trying to accommodate to you by speaking what little English they know, people expect you to accommodate to them. That’s how it should be—don’t get me wrong—but it does mean a more difficult day-to-day existence than I experienced in Beijing, where I on multiple occasions fought back against people speaking English to me by speaking only Mandarin. Plus the Heqing accent is quite different from what I’m used to up north, so even if people I’m talking with use vocab I know, there’s no guarantee I’ll understand.
Beyond language, there are innumerable customs and pieces of etiquette I am as of yet unfamiliar with. Ma LiJun and Li YiMing have been really helpful in that regard, but of course they don’t know everything either. Everything from what constitutes proper teaching attire to how to acknowledge/ignore people when you walk by them in the bathroom is utterly different from what I’m used to.
Colin (my OSM) put it really well yesterday (Thursday) when we were sitting in a plant shop in Heqing City, waiting for the rain to stop. We were discussing adjustment periods and things of that sort, and he said, “The circumstances will not change, but you will change.” Simple enough, of course, and a fact I already understood about my time here, but he articulated it well. I really do wonder who I’ll be at the end of this. Time will tell.
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