September 1st, 2011.
It’s been exactly six weeks since I got home. This last week was a bit strange for
me; my facebook feed filled with farewells from friends (I like alliteration
today, apparently) headed back to China. They’re starting their second year
now. I could be too, if I wanted to, but instead I’m here.
‘Here,’ at the moment, is my parents’ house, and ‘here’ will
likely remain my parents’ house until January or so. When I got home, my plans
for this fall were unclear. My friend and I had planned to live in Virginia
together, but unfortunately the housing didn’t work out, which left me with a
choice to make. I looked into heading up to DC, and I thought about spending
this whole year in Berkeley, but ultimately I realized that what I really
wanted, more than anything, was family time. For the last six years, I’ve seen
my parents and sisters about once a semester, and after I begin grad school,
there’s no telling where I’ll be or how often I’ll be able to get home. So I’m here
now, and, for the most part, glad of it.
Of course, I’m still processing China. Not a day, or an
hour, I think, goes by without me thinking about my students, my TFC friends,
my old Heqing stomping grounds. I wonder what Pengtun is like now and how much
it will have changed by the time I see it again. And yes, sometimes I wish I
was still there. But mostly I don’t. Mostly I just find myself grateful for the
time I spent and for the time I’m spending here.
Here is singing in a choir again, meeting my Dad for coffee,
going to the gym with my Mom, going shopping with my sister, cooking for
everyone. Here is bike rides, like the ones in China but longer and far less
beautiful but somehow still deeply satisfying. Here is scrapbooking a year’s
incredible experience, studying econ so I can take the foreign service test,
keeping up with Mandarin. Here is still unemployed (for now), but here is a
research project at the museum, volunteering as a Hebrew School teacher and
musician at the synagogue, helping with an interfaith youth group my sister’s a
part of.
It would be pretty great if I could say that all my
pre-Yunnan inhibitions and social awkwardness were vanquished by a year where I
was always out of my comfort zone and got used to it, but alas, I fear that my
constant exposure to risk in China made me crave even more comfort than usual.
I think that’ll change though. Ultimately, I think that, although I am an
American in America, I’m also an American in flux. I don’t have both feet on
the ground quite yet. And, for now at least, I’m ok with waiting. I’m ok with
taking time to figure things out. Yunnan taught me nothing if not patience.
So, this is it. The last entry. However, I do intend to
start posting on my food blog soon. So, for anyone who’s interested: Em Bakes. I’ve been cooking up a storm down here in Georgia. Stay tuned, folks.
And thanks for listening. Your constant support, through email and skype and
comments and facebook and everywhere, meant the world to me.
Over and out.
